THOUGHTFORMS

Everything we are arises with our thoughts.

With our thoughts, we create the world.

(Shakyamuni Buddha)

1.

Having gazed beyond the Boundary, I stripped myself of choice.
As every drop within the current will one day reach the Ocean,
So too does our very nature move toward Spirit.
How far must we drift to reach the goal? …It does not matter.
What matters is to keep Memory close;
Then each day becomes almost a revelation
Of that which has always been with you.
You know the beginning. You know the end.
And yet.
And yet – you continue on the Path.
For this is the unfathomable and highest need:
The need to be within the Play, and to be Yourself.

2.

Something unbearable is tearing from within, trying to break out.
Why does She take so long to come and ease my Pain?
It feels like a curse – to know beforehand how every story will end.
I know that Pain is my friend, and a Great Teacher.
He is always truthful –
the greatest teacher one could ever have.
I bow to Him in many forms and see Him in many faces.
He comes to save me from ruin and to show the Path –
the shortest Path,
the Path on which I become empty and full at once.
But why does She take so long… why does She still not come?!

 3.

Don’t let me go.
Is there a space in this world for the two of us?
Don’t let me go.
Is there a shelter in this world for two?
Is there any shelter in this world at all?
The heart is troubled by what is strange
And yet endlessly familiar.
I know nothing better than to flow in the current,
Past the shores of illusion toward your open doors.
I know you were waiting for me, watching,
While I wandered along foreign roads.
What was it I sought – shelter or peace?
Without you, I gathered coincidences in the world.

4.

I do not know how to describe this feeling.
Perhaps – it is a cry rising from within.
I descend into sleep, as though moving from room to room,
Through open doors, and it is all the same to me;
I see no difference between the dreams
On one side of the door or the other.
Though the scenes may change,
The colors stay the same upon the same familiar walls.
But the Mind does not want to lose its ground.
For it – this is death!
It is the end of all plans!
It is the end of all ambitions!
And Fear, like an artist across my walls,
Paints familiar images upon me.
This is all within me –
The Mind does not want to lose its ground!

 5.

Pain, like a juicing device, presses Amrita from me,
And I drink this blissfully sweet-bitter nectar of immortality.

***

There is nothing pure,
And there is nothing impure.
There is no knowledge, and there is no ignorance.
There is no salvation, and there is also no perdition.
There is no enlightenment, and there is no ignorance.
There is not That which we could call God,
And there is nothing that is not God.
There are no roads that one can walk,
And nothing that could not be the Path.
And I walk the Path, to where I have always been.
On this Path, there are no gains and no losses.
There is nothing that must be done,
And no reason to renounce action.
I do not know Shiva without Jiva,
And I know nothing but Kali.

___________________

Amrita* – nectar of immortality;
Shiva* – cosmic consciousness, the transcendent;
Jiva* – living being;
Kali* – pure transcendent Shakti;
Shakti* – cosmic feminine principle, cosmic energy, the manifested Universe.

6.

The Holy Pain swims through my every vein;
I see my dreams, though I am not asleep.
Reality within me hardens its power,
So that I behold no dreams  –  awake or in sleep.

The Holy Pain – a doorway to heaven –
It is a cry of Soul through the thick ages!
Who chooses the Life must die,
To see the Life – and not a fleeting shade.

7.

For some, music is a craft, a profession.
For others – a pleasant pastime, a hobby.
And then there are those for whom it is inspiration, creativity.
But what does it mean to me?
Almost nothing – and yet, everything at once.
It is my communion with Spirit.
It is my plane ticket to freedom.
It is my Power!
It is my Shakti!
It is my Orchestra!

8.

People enter at the next stop.
I do not turn my head to see their faces.
The cabin is crowded, yet I have a task:
I hold my gaze, not looking around.
The next stop – and again, the task.
But I do not know if anyone saw my face.
Not because no one looked at me,
While I kept my gaze to myself,
While I did not look at the people in the cabin.

9.

But sometimes I feel so abandoned.
And all I have done in this Life seems meaningless –
Except for one thing.
In such moments, I feel detachment.
Then the Mind delights in renunciation and Love –
Pure and transcendent.
Then my Spirit is like nuclear power.

10.

I Am Alive!
I do not know the grand plan of Being,
I do not seek samsaric happiness,
I do not strive for Nirvana.

Paradise feels like hell
When the Heart lacks That,
That which grows in the grasses,
That which fills the temples.

Touch the living Water,
The origin of pure Truth;
No need to walk the roads any longer
To reach Goal already dwelling within us.